So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
