This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We need to rekindle our bromance
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
