i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
