Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
