She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
