I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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