Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Umm I'm too high to move.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
