threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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