o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
