I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We are all done wearing pants today
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
