I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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