nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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