What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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