ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
