Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
