I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
