The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
