You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
