he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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