I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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