he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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