Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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