We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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