saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
