my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
