Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
wow bdsm is so cute
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
