Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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