you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
