I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is it because I queefed?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
