Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
