You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
