i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
