do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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