So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
