that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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