How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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