I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
