don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
