I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
