I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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