high people should be assigned attendants
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
