I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
