You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
