Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
