Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
