its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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