I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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