I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
