Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
