i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
