Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
