I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
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The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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