he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
