Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
