I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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