so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
