How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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