if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Alive.
So much puke
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
